I came across one of the old press releases Eric Norlin wrote back in the go-go days here at Ping Identity. See, it actually is quite simple. Just grow your business to $100 Billion (walking in a straight line of course) and then buy everyone around you. Done. Simple.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Ping Identity Pre-Announces Hostile Takeover of Microsoft in 2050
Company Lays Out Comprehensive Four-step Plan
Denver, CO, October 11, 2004 – Ping Identity Corporation (www.pingidentity.com)
today pre-announced a comprehensive four-step plan for a hostile
takeover of Microsoft in the year 2050. The pre-announcement of this
plan constitutes a key strategic initiative in Ping’s roadmap.
The plan, as laid bare by Ping’s CEO, Andre Durand, is as follows:
Step 1. Grow to 100 million in annual revenue by 2010.
Step 2. Grow that to a Yearly Revenue of 1 Billion.
Step 3. Grow that to a Yearly Revenue of 100 Billion (and go public somewhere in there).
Step 4. Assume that Microsoft’s star has faded, and launch a hostile takeover offer
The pure brilliance
of the plan was lauded by Eugene Roberts, analyst with Entropy Gradient
Reversals Group: “Ping Identity has clearly taken a step to leap ahead of nearly
all of its competition with this step. I mean, Microsoft is the largest
company on the planet – pre-announcing a hostile takeover in 2050 means
that Ping will, most likely, be one of the largest companies on the
Once the acquisition
has been completed, Ping stated that they plan to release another
version of their commercial federation server, PingFederate.
Andre Durand, CEO of
Ping Identity, addressed the announcement thus: “After many months of
strategic thumb-twiddling, it became overwhelmingly obvious that the
synergies of this hostile takeover would out-weigh any downside. Having
acquired the desktop, browser, small business, email, search engine,
weblog, digital rights management, enterprise server, media player, and
development environment foothold, we’re quite sure that Ping will be
able to leverage those properties in our federated identity strategy.
Truly, this roadmap represents a milestone for Ping Identity
About Ping Identity Corporation
Ping Identity Corporation (www.pingidentity.com)
was founded by Andre Durand after his friend Craig taunted him with
pictures from the Caribbean whilst he sat stuck in snowy Denver. Ping
has since grown to encompass truly important corporate things like a
board of directors, funding, stock, process, an outlook exchange
server, and monthly reports. Most of Ping’s employees dream of untold
wealth and applaud this release. Those that don’t are being dealt with