Andre Durand

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Archive for October, 2004

Ping Identity Pre-Announces Hostile Takeover of Microsoft in 2050

October 11, 2004 By: Andre Category: Life

Little monday afternoon humor. We haven’t had a press release in a month, and as this is an election month, and both the promises and comprehensive 4 step plans are flying, we thought we’d issue some forecasts of our own.


 


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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE


 


Ping Identity Pre-Announces Hostile Takeover of Microsoft in 2050


Company Lays Out Comprehensive Four-step Plan



Denver, CO, October 11, 2004 – Ping Identity Corporation (www.pingidentity.com) today pre-announced a comprehensive four-step plan for a hostile takeover of Microsoft in the year 2050. The pre-announcement of this plan constitutes a key strategic initiative in Ping’s roadmap.


 


The plan, as laid bare by Ping’s CEO, Andre Durand, is as follows:


 


1) Hit a Yearly Revenue of 100 million USD.
2) Grow that to a Yearly Revenue of 1 billion USD.
3) Grow that to a Yearly Revenue of 100 Billion USD (and go public somewhere in there).
4) Assume that Microsoft’s star has faded some, and launch takeover efforts.


 


The pure brilliance of the plan was lauded by Eugene Roberts, analyst with Entropy Gradient Reversals Group: “Ping has clearly taken a step to leap ahead of nearly all of its competition with this step. I mean, Microsoft is the largest company on the planet – pre-announcing a hostile takeover in 2050 means that Ping will, most likely, be one of the largest companies on the planet.”


 


Once the acquisition has been completed, Ping stated that they plan to release another version of their commercial federation server, PingFederate.


 


Andre Durand, CEO of Ping Identity, addressed the announcement thus: “After many months of strategic thumb-twiddling, it became overwhelmingly obvious that the synergies of this hostile takeover would out-weigh any downside. Having acquired the desktop, browser, small business, email, search engine, weblog, digital rights management, enterprise server, media player, and development environment foothold, we’re quite sure that Ping will be able to leverage those properties in our federated identity strategy. Truly, this roadmap represents a milestone for Ping Identity Corporation.”


 


About Ping Identity Corporation
Ping Identity Corporation (www.pingidentity.com) was founded by Andre Durand after his friend Craig taunted him with pictures from the Caribbean whilst he sat stuck in snowy Denver. Ping has since grown to encompass truly important corporate things like a board of directors, funding, stock, process, an outlook exchange server, and monthly reports. Most of Ping’s employees dream of untold wealth and applaud this release. Those that don’t are being dealt with accordingly.


 


Press Contact:
Eric Norlin
enorlin@pingidentity.com


 


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COMMENTS FROM THE BLOGSPHERE


 


Phil Becker – Editor Digital ID World – “What good is this news? I’ll be dead by then.”


Anonymous High Profile Microsoft BloggerOh, you have it all wrong. According to our models Google will own us in 2037. :-)”