Andre Durand

Discovering life, one mistake at a time.
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Archive for January, 2004

Founders of Jabber & Ping Discuss Future of Identity and Presence

January 19, 2004 By: Andre Category: Ping Identity


Jer called a few weeks back and said he wanted to visit some of his old Jabber friends from Denver. Having not seen Jer in some time, and wanting to re-spark some of our old conversations, this time around instant messaging, presence and identity, we flew Jer out to spend the day with us. Turns out we have a number of Jabberites in the Ping crew, so we got together for a photograph, just for old times sake.    

Identity Federation. Making Pizza Delivery More Efficient in 2015

January 05, 2004 By: Andre Category: Ping Identity

I received this email from a friend today which I thought was pretty funny…

Let’s hope it never comes to this. 

 

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Operator: “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your…”


Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”


Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”


Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it’s 6102049998-45-54610.”


Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number’s 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”


Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”


Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”


Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas…”


Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”


Customer: “Whaddya mean?”


Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”


Customer: “Dang . What do you recommend, then?”


Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”


Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”


Operator: “Well, you checked out ‘Gourmet Soybean Recipes’ from your local library last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”


Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s the damage?”


Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The ‘damage,’ as you put it, heh, heh, comes to $49.99.”


Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”


Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”


Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”


Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account’s overdrawn.”


Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?


Operator: “We’re running a little behind, sir. It’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”


Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”


Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo’ed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”


Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”


Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”


Customer: (Speechless)


Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”


Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”


Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”